Speaking the unspoken

Sharing below exactly as Sarah Durham Wilson posted on Instagram yesterday, word for word, illustration included. This is something that's been on my mind for a while and I felt, particularly in the last few days, a strong need to express it in words. With grace but not veiled. Mainly for myself. I wanted to write the truth about a past relationship that seemed so right in some ways yet so wrong in many others. The wrongs were subtle. Very subtle. And then she wrote this. And so here it is. Thank you, Sarah, for speaking the unspoken. And for speaking it with so much integrity and soul.

'Crying lightly' by Patrick Palmer via Saatchi Art

'Crying lightly' by Patrick Palmer via Saatchi Art

"You are not in a healthy relationship if you are crying all the time. You are not in a healthy relationship if everyone who loves you has questioned it, if everyone who has known him in the past has warned you about him, if people are constantly asking you if you are ok. You are not in a healthy relationship if it is only good after a hit of pot or a glass of wine. You are not in a healthy relationship if you were once sober but now need substance to cope with him, if he's an addict but won't get help. You are not in a healthy relationship if he calls you names, throws things toward or directly at you. You are not in a healthy relationship if he yells at you & everyone who challenges him or threatens his ego. You are not in a healthy relationship if you are always making excuses for his volatile behavior, always cleaning up his messes. You are not in a healthy relationship if he makes you pay for everything. You are not in a healthy relationship if he slowly isolates you from your friends & family. You are not in a healthy relationship if you can no longer do that that thing that heals you- writing, painting, teaching, because he sucks up all your time & energy & you have lost your voice. You are not in a healthy relationship if you are always recovering from the last time he picked a fight. You are not in a healthy relationship if he tells you how to dress, look, think, act. You are not in a healthy relationship if you've stopped smiling & speaking up, because you don't want to trigger his anger or dictatorship & you feel alone & isolated when with him. You are not in a healthy relationship if you are afraid of him. You are not in a healthy relationship if you are constantly gaslit, being told what you feel is wrong, that your sadness & fear is your fault. You are not in a healthy relationship if he lies to you & manipulates you then blame shifts to something minor about you. You are not in a healthy relationship if you have those tiny ambulances running through your veins screaming stop get out, & then you try & he won't 'let' you. You are not in a healthy relationship if you are ashamed to talk about your relationship."

- Sarah Durham Wilson